hy.ster.i.cal,

               [Gk., hysterikos,hystera of the womb, uterus, uncontrollable emotions]

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womyn go mad you know...it creeps up seductively...tempting...i wait in the shadows but can't keep my balance hungry to turn myself over to let go entering myself as i would a mysterious mansion afraid of what might be behind half closed doors strong against the unknown heedless driven tempting me into dance and laughter laughing out of control laugh she has me further into darkness with her i lose my hold whizzing past the familiar hurling toward tombs of memory reason stretches gnarled hands pressing onto my net confused i'm frightened me of her of me i fear reach softness under pressure of my fingers melting loathing desire i pull pull out pulling I want to pull out but want her want to go with her crave her but afraid of getting lost I won't be able to come back i'll be somewhere else filled with unborn visions unfamiliar turning through darkness toward fire never able to see back over my shoulder they've told me if I go I cannot come back I still can still turn refuses i'm sliding down slowly twisting in circles being sucked down into hidden places it is just just as well I cannot go back I've come too far master and slave to myself falling I grab on but want to let go fall faster follow wherever she will take i want to trust do uncontrolled not looking back I want to dive into her wildness to open doors doors they're closed knocking wanting to open afraid to knock doors giant doors break down doors I'm pounding pounding let me in do not stop me I keep my hands against the door frame I cannot call cannot answer cannot go I am safe hands holding fast if I lose my balance what will break my fall falling I am ready to fall but my hands stay tight anchoring me fear closed doors pulls me back up through warm tunnels darkness seals up passages below i'm soothed back into the world still dark and alone

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• originally, it was believed that hysteria was caused by a defect in the

                  womb, thus only women could become hysterical.

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Sharon Lopez Mooney, “hy.ster.i.cal”, from Hags on Fire, Issue 3, ed. Laraine Herring,Summer Solstice 2021, https://www.hagsonfire.com/issue-3/hysterical

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